You climb every mountain
You cross every river
To find the hidden gem
Ah! you poor fool
Did you look within yourself?

That happiness comes from within is not a new thought, yet why do most of us forget that? In our eternal search to be happy, we forget to search in that one place where it is most likely to be - ourselves.

Over the past few days, I go to bed with a general feeling of emptiness which I fill with sadness, for lack of any other emotion. Until last night, I decided to take a hard look at my own self and ask myself why I was unhappy - and truth be told, I couldn’t find a reason, which completely surprised me. I had assumed that since I had moved there must be stresses associated with it and that I should be unhappy. But once I started decomposing each of my reasons, I realised that none of them hold water. I had chosen for myself what I call a default state of unhappiness. And I was looking everywhere else to find my supposedly lost or stolen happiness, but at my own self. And hence it was time to reiterate to myself one of my philosophies of life, which I had formulated to myself eleven years ago.

(Now I know that I am propounding my own philosophies of life and maybe hard for many to stomach - firstly, you don’t have to read it, and secondly if you insist, you can always rip my theories apart in the comments section. This is not turning into a Dalai Lama kind of blog, just an occasional detour =))

Eleven years ago, I was supposedly in a state of elation - or so everyone around me thought. Something really good had happened in my life, the details of which are completely irrelevant here, and people around me thought I should be in the “seventh heaven of delight”. Just that, I wasn’t. And I was too afraid to confess that for fear of ridicule, for fear of being branded insane or just plain confusion. I myself wasn’t sure why I wasn’t as happy as everyone expected me to be. Having had the luxury of time on my hands, I pondered deep thoughts and decided to step back and for the first time in my life, wonder what makes me unhappy and happy. And the answers I discovered then, still hold true for my life.

Happiness comes from within. And the moment you let external factors dictate your happiness, you lose control of it. So, you aced your exam or you got that elusive promotion or you won that million dollar lottery - do you really have to be happy? Why are you happy if you aced an exam? Probably because you worked hard for it and you think you are being recognised for it. Probably because you will benefit from it, such as a great job. Probably because people around you, like your family or friends, are proud of you. If you look at it objectively, you no longer hold the key to your happiness. You could work hard, but you are depending on everyone else around you to act in a manner consistent with what could make you happy, which they may not happen all the time. All of a sudden, they have control over your emotions. Now if you think about it, why would you want to do that? If you have worked hard and if you feel you have done well, shouldn’t you allow yourself the happiness, no matter the consequences? Just because your friend may be jealous and doesn’t shout and scream with you, should you be unhappy?

The argument gets stronger if you consider that it would take care of the risk of unexpected failure. You have done exceptionally well in your job, but you were denied the promotion, because the CEO’s son wanted it too. Should you be unhappy? I don’t see why. Now, don’t mistake lack of unhappiness with lack of reaction. If you have been passed over for unfair reasons, you should react against it. But not because you are unhappy. But only because a logical analysis shows you what the best reaction in such a circumstance would be. I am not asking everyone to be machines, devoid of emotions. You can be happy or unhappy - but know the sources of your happiness to the lowest granularity, and give no one else the control over it. If you can be happy or unhappy at will, you are ready to go into samadhi. Not that we want to do it, but know that we can. Cultivate that power, and nothing can ever make you really unhappy.

The downside is that sometimes you are not happy when everyone expects you to be. I feel happy over small things - like a blossoming flower or a soulful tune or a lovely smile from a loved one - but I doubt that a million dollar lottery or a great Prada gift or an unexpected Ferrari - would make me really happy. And yet, if I got any of that, I would indulge in more external exhibitions of happiness than I would if I had woken up to a lovely sunrise. Strange are the ways of humans! Stranger are they when we ourselves forget that the external exhibitions are just that. We forget that the simple pleasures of life hold the key to our happiness much more than these huge non-events that we keep hoping for. We forget to find joy in the beauty of a job well done, rather than in the recognition of it.

Today, I reminded myself of a truth I had accepted once and forgotten over the years. Today, I feel happy.

(Translation: He who has realised the ultimate truth, is fully established in Brahman, poised in spiritual intelligence and devoid of delusion, he neither rejoices when experiencing what is pleasant nor is distressed when experiencing what is unpleasant.)
- The Bhagavad Gita