A dear colleague is off to work in Singapore for a few months and yours truly, who has lived in Singapore for more than her fair share of time, was duly called upon to impart her wisdom on how to make a great impression on Singaporean business associates. After my attempts to convince him that adding a lah to every other sentence would make him an immediate darling of the Singapore office fell flat, I was forced to oil a certain part of my brain that had begun to rust (my last post on Singapore was quite some time back) and give some decent sounding advice on how to navigate the landmine that is the Singapore and the Singapore business landscape (ok, I admit, I love to exaggerate and terrify people on that front - it works so beautifully every time, especially when you mention capital punishment and caning).

Since I had to rack my brains anyway, I thought I might as well put it down in here, so that the poor souls who google for Singapore business etiquette would have something real to read (the one that you get now tells you that you should always be punctual in Singapore! Maybe my expectations have been raised by Germans, but if you are going to heed the be punctual advice for Singapore, you should also carry a book with you forever, so that you have something to read when you wait for your Singaporean friends to arrive. (Don’t be too late either - following the IST (Indian Stretchable Time) will get you into trouble in Leoland. There is just the right amount of lateness that you should follow in Singapore (which varies depending on the situation and the impression you want to make), and that, I am afraid, you will learn only with time spent in the landmine field.

But heres some good advice I can give you:

The way to a Singaporean’s heart is through his stomach. Take your colleagues or staff to a wonderful lunch, where they can eat well and they will love you. I don’t mean this in a bad way, they have a good taste for food - numerous are the times when we have hunted down the most remote hawker center to have that one special char kway teow, while I would have gladly grabbed a sandwich and returned to my desk. But don’t mistake good food for expensive food - no, its the taste and only the taste that matters. Ambience could well go for a toss, unless you are organising a fancy dinner, in which case, be careful to pick the “right” place.Singaporeans are “materialistically aware” - they know which places are hard to get a booking in, how much they cost etc - and before you know they would have judged how much you are willing to spend on that relationship and how much effort you put into it, based on just the location selection.

Be nice. Singaporeans are nice, most of the time. At least ,outwardly. Could be because of the courtsey campaigns, but there aren’t many times I can remember when a complete stranger was rude to me. That is, if they had deigned to talk to me in the first place. Indifference - that’s a different ball game altogether. If you consider not talking rudeness, you are in for some rude shock. People will not, in general, greet you in the sidewalks or lifts or even at office (if you don’t know them). Remember, its nothing personal.

Don’t talk politics unless you have to. Most Singaporeans do have their opinions, but may not be comfortable airing them in front of strangers or foreigners. Don’t pull them into those awkward situations.

Be aware of some local superstitions and customs. Don’t gift someone a clock, because that means they will die soon. Don’t put your feet on a table, even while you are having a relaxed coffee at the local cafe with your friends. Don’t throw litter on the floor (its not just about the 1000 dollar fine!). Do not jump queues - queueing up is a sacred national hobby. Don’t speak in an extra loud voice - Singaporeans are soft voiced by nature and even if you don’t realise it, your voice may be the only one booming through the room. Filial responsibilities are important in Asia - don’t make snide remarks about a grown up man still living with his parents etc. Kiasu is a term that is commonly used in Singapore, and for good reason. Understand what that behavior entails, and you will not be annoyed or shocked by certain actions which may otherwise seem unnecessary.

I have tried to give you most of the don’ts - so I ended up writing a rather negative post. Let me clarify - that was definitely not my intention, just that I don’t have to warn you of the good things, you can discover those on your own. Let me reassure you lest you cancel that flight ticket to Changi (which my colleague almost did),that it’s a great place to work. Take it from someone who hasn’t always had it so easy, Singapore is one of the easiest and most convenient places to adjust to if you are a foreigner - the infrastructure works, people are sweet and receptive to aliens, and almost everyone speaks English (a word of caution though - familiarity with Singlish would definitely help. If you can understand what “CAN ALSO CAN CANNOT ALSO CAN LAH” means, you pass the Singlish basics test. If you don’t get it, well, good luck to you!) . Last but not least, enjoy the warm sunshine (and stop complaining about the humidity! - I am freezing in the bloody winter..)